Is That All There Is?
On why we are so dissatisfied with our lives, no matter how good they look on the outside
The other day, I was sitting on my friend Luisa’s couch, both of us sipping tea and gossiping, when she guiltily admitted:
“Sometimes I look at my life — my perfect, shiny life — and I feel… empty.”
“Really?” I asked, a bit taken aback.
Luisa is the kind of woman people point to and say, “She’s got it together.”
Early thirties, thriving in a prestigious law firm, adored by her partner, always jetting off on epic holidays. On paper, she’s a walking success.
“Yes. There’s this voice in my head that keeps whispering: Is that all there is?”
She told me she had tried to fix it with new hobbies, yoga, “detaching” from her desires. It all helped for a while. But eventually, the emptiness returned.
“I don’t know… I keep thinking about the fact that I’ll die someday. Maybe sooner than I think… I don’t want to detach. I want to live. Fully. I’m just not sure how to do that.”
Luisa’s chronic dissatisfaction with life is very common. And frankly, quite tragic.
“Can I tell you something a bit confronting?” I asked, feeling my pulse quicken.
She hesitated. “Okay… I guess?”
“You’re not dissatisfied, Luisa. You’re insecure.”
She blinked. “Wait, what? Have you seen my life?”
“I know,” I said. “But hear me out.”
I told her what I had been observing for years: she wasn’t chasing achievements because she wanted them. She was chasing them because she needed them to mean something about who she was.
Sure, she studied law because she genuinely enjoyed it. But somewhere along the way, her curiosity became overshadowed by a constant need to prove:
I’m smart.
I’m capable.
I can win big cases.
I can make partner.
At that point, the force driving her wasn’t passion anymore. It was fear.
Fear that if she didn’t keep climbing the corporate ladder, she’d be exposed as the opposite of all those things. A fraud. An idiot. A failure.
“Ok… So what would change if I were “secure”?”
“Honestly? Everything.”
If she knew — deep in her bones — that she already is smart and capable, and that she doesn’t need to do anything to prove it to the world (or to herself), her whole reality would open up.
She might explore new law specialties just because they fascinate her.
She might aim for partner to create impact at the top, not to earn a badge.
Or she might walk away from that path entirely and pursue a new career.
When insecurity stops running the show, something beautiful takes its place: curiosity.
Fear asks, What happens if I fail? What will they think? What will it mean about me?
Curiosity asks, What do I actually want to explore? What feels alive for me?
From that place, the world becomes a limitless playground.
Of course, insecurity doesn’t compartmentalise, and the same insecure patterns show up in other areas of her life, too.
Take her romantic relationship.
She sees it as another box to tick. A way to prove that she’s lovable. The idea of losing her partner, or rocking the boat with open, vulnerable communication, feels threatening. Because her “lovability” is attached to him. Deep down, she believes his presence validates her worth.
Again, if she knew (truly knew) that she is already lovable, her relationship would become a space of curiosity rather than fear.
She’d feel safe enough to ask herself what she genuinely wants and needs, and to wonder how her partner experiences the relationship, too. From there, they could deepen their emotional connection, expand their intimacy, and explore what’s possible for them with openness instead of pressure.
A whole world would open up.
Luisa was grateful for the insight and admitted that I was right. But even with that clarity, she still felt lost about what to do next.
“Get support,” I said gently.
We’re human, we’re not meant to untangle everything on our own.
If insecurity is stopping you from enjoying your life, whether it shows up as pressure at work, a sense of unsafety in relationships, or unhealthy habits, you don’t have to navigate those struggles alone.
Support is what helps you step out of those patterns for good.
This is exactly what I help my clients do: identify the unconscious patterns shaping their life (in love, work, money, health, or family) and transform them at the root.
Together, we will shift the way you see the world, the way you think, how you process emotions, how you speak to yourself and others, how you handle triggers, and the behaviours that determine your reality.
In ten months, I want you to look back and think:
Wow, I can’t believe that’s where I was. I can’t believe how far I’ve come.
I want you to feel a level of safety, confidence, and self-trust you didn’t even know was possible.
Here’s what becomes possible when insecurity no longer runs your life:
A woman learned to set boundaries during couple’s fights and ended years of repetitive conflict
A man moved from avoidance and fear of intimacy to feeling open-hearted, grounded, and secure in love
Mothers who believed they “weren’t good enough” finally felt present and joyful with their children
A man stuck at 5K/month breaking through stagnation and stepping into leadership
A client who felt frozen in life finding both a job and a loving relationship within months
These aren’t miracles. They’re the natural outcome of healing your patterns at the root.
I have 2 coaching spots opening in January. It’s a ten-month container designed to transform your life, one pattern at a time.
Life is too short not to be enjoyed. Fully.
You can find more details and book a free 30-minute discovery call here:
https://attachmentalchemy.podia.com/services
Thank you for reading.